Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
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