oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
