I think I am morally bankrupt
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
