if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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