Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
