I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
