Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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