jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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