I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
