I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
