Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
