My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
