Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
