He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
