she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize