Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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