Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
