i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
