oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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