T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
