Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
