Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
