I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
