Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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