ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.