Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus

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  (202): respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus http://tfl.nu/nfd9
  Replies (26) Good night (898) Bad night (3633)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER

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  (508): WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER http://tfl.nu/4rej
  Replies (12) Good night (752) Bad night (4438)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.

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  (310): the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him. http://tfl.nu/jidd
  Replies (27) Good night (7219) Bad night (1730)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.

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  (630): I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti. http://tfl.nu/166m
  Replies (21) Good night (1257) Bad night (6702)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.

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  (505): i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat. http://tfl.nu/gqde
  Replies (96) Good night (1610) Bad night (7759)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.

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  (941): Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low. http://tfl.nu/swva
  Replies (33) Good night (1013) Bad night (6530)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.

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  (214): Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned. http://tfl.nu/8xw4
  Replies (23) Good night (1467) Bad night (4317)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later

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  (845): the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later http://tfl.nu/1207
  Replies (4) Good night (3617) Bad night (1385)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.

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  (504): If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life. http://tfl.nu/0spe
  Replies (9) Good night (2229) Bad night (1079)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."

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  (617): Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide." http://tfl.nu/7grl
  Replies (31) Good night (2738) Bad night (839)
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off

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  (409): You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off http://tfl.nu/0o0c
  Replies (9) Good night (664) Bad night (1159)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.

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  (303): I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time. http://tfl.nu/ridr
  Replies (12) Good night (611) Bad night (936)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"

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  (916): you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances" http://tfl.nu/1xse
  Replies (2) Good night (1122) Bad night (319)
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.

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  (641): I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor. http://tfl.nu/67h2
  Replies (7) Good night (437) Bad night (358)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.

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  (937): My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right. http://tfl.nu/7bat
  Replies (4) Good night (1034) Bad night (341)

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