is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
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The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
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Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?