it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
