Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.

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(313): View more from Michigan

So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(206): View more from Washington

I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Is my lip ring still in your hair?

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(816): View more from Missouri

It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.

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(310): View more from California

I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs

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