I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Banned from zoo.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.