If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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