I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
