I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
