My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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