Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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