I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
