Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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