we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
