I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
