It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You ruined the universe
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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