Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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