Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
