if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
