I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
