i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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