I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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