guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You're a waste of cheezeits
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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