I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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