I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
