either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
