I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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