why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
