There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
