I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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