This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
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Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
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My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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