I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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