wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
