i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
