My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You took a bar mat shot.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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