I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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