So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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