My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
