I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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