My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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