I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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