Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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