apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
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He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize