Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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