That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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